The smell of hay and earth filled the air as I casually leaned against the fence post. Barking madly at my feet, the little, anxious ranch dog suddenly bolted off through the fence openings to snap at diving swallows in the open field. I enjoyed the show while three sheep kept me company, bleating periodically to let me know I was included in their group . . . if I wanted to do that. I felt safe, grounded in the magic of the mustang ranch, feeling connected to timelessness as I waited for my appointment with a horse.
I love horses and have deep respect for them, especially because of their size and strength. I’m not an experienced rider and have little in the sense of horsemanship skills. However, what I learned from one horse recently gave me a completely different perspective on how I saw myself. More importantly, since my interaction with this horse, I’ve played with the feelings of being small or expressing myself in a big way. It’s a subtle, but important, difference.
She called out to me in my mind before I saw her. Her image flashed before me as we walked through the barn. I was looking for the “light one”. She told me she was one of the “sisters”. My guide, Jesse, pointed out the light-colored horse in the back whose name was indeed Sister. Though Sister doesn’t usually do the work we were about to do, she was willing to work with me, so Jesse guided her to the round pen outside.
In the enclosure with my horse-mentor, I walked slowly along with her – as much as she permitted me to. She seemed impatient with me, but willing to interact as a mirror to my thoughts and feelings. As she pranced around the perimeter, jumping up to grab at low-hanging leaves from a nearby tree, and seemed more interested in the un-pulled dandelions within reach just outside her boundary. I understood her point as she focused on the distractions instead of what really matters.
It took a short while for us to begin to connect – the reason for my visit foremost on my mind. I had questions, and hoped that a story would unfold during our time together. Yet, as she trotted along the fence, she swept past me, almost shark-like, reading my energy. A shift in her weight could have pressed me hard against the fence, so I adjusted my location to avoid the possibility of such an interaction.
We’re both Queeens, she indicated, as her thoughts came through clearly. I could feel her strong presence and backed away each time she came near. I had hoped my open heart was enough as I imagined us walking along together in blissful harmony – human and horse in a dreamlike bond. My distance was taken as weakness to her – not enough to interact as equals. Jesse offered a visual from his perspective. In the ring he demonstrated my stance – passive and slouched. As if on cue, Sister came over to him and pushed him around, expressing her dominance.
When I stepped back into the ring, I began to notice the subtleties about my own vision of myself. I saw how Sister mirrored my avoidance by nibbling weeds along the fence-line. I felt my energy become small as I backed away when she came near. I knew that being “Queen” meant more than saying it. I had to claim it and feel the enormous power of it.
Standing near the center of the ring I felt myself get really big. Energy flowed through me as I remembered my personal power. I stood tall and, without flinching, demanded my deepest desire. Never expressed aloud, I felt as though I shouted what I came here for. Suddenly, Sister turned her attention directly toward me and walked without hesitation until she stood before me. Now, as equals – big, powerful, Royal Queens – she had heard me. I quietly thanked her and, standing my ground firmly, my hand rested on her neck and released her from our work together.
Feeling Big isn’t about ego, projecting your will on others, or exploiting vulnerabilities. It’s about remembering who you are, what you’re here to do, and claiming your place among All Beings as equals in connection to Spirit . . . and really feeling it. Since our time together I’ve reflected on what personal power feels like in my relationships and interactions with my world. An open heart isn’t enough. Letting things unfold might not be the answer or get you what you want, especially if you’re more like a doormat than a queen. Being powerful, or Big, means that you’re strongly connected to Source and have a clear vision of yourself and your role in the world – as a parent, a healer, a spouse, sibling, friend, customer, etc.
I invite you now to become BIG in Spirit. Remember who you are and connect intuitively with your personal power. I’ve developed a program to help people become more intuitive. It’s called Harness Your Windhorse. Get on my list and register for classes as they become available. Questions? Please ask.